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Ten words to make you look stoopid

March 4th, 2009 · by David Bradley >> 49 Comments

stupid-wordsMarketing is all about blowing your own trumpet, but there’s blowing and then there’s hiring Prime Brass to do the blowing live for you! They do say if you’ve got it flaunt it, but before you use any of the following words in the bio on your Twitter page, on your Facebook profile, and especially on your resume, be sure you can live up to their meaning:

  • maven – someone who is dazzlingly skilled in a given field, make sure you can dazzle, if you can’t don’t call yourself a maven.
  • guru – a recognized leader in a given field, if no one knows you, you’re not really a guru are you?
  • raconteur – if people yawn when you open your mouth, then they’re either sleepy or you are probably not quite the great storyteller you’re claiming to be.
  • serial entrepeneur – this implies you’ve had a “series” of businesses, usually they have to have each been successful to get to the next one in the series. Two businesses is not a series.
  • catalyst – if you make things happen faster than they otherwise would and remain unchanged yourself at the end of that process, you’re a catalyst.
  • visionary – if you don’t have unusual powers of foresight or the ability to instigate a revolution, you’re not a visionary.
  • thing-aholic, thing-junkie – a person truly reliant or dependent on that thing, you have to be 100% enthusiast and dedicated to the cause of thing, or physiologically addicted.
  • funny – check: do you actually make people laugh, a lot? If the answer’s no, don’t ever use this word about yourself. Just don’t.
  • geek – in the modern sense of this word, if you don’t have some kind of sci-tech fixation, you’re not a geek.
  • cool – unless your temperature is lower than average or your age below 10 years, please don’t tell people you’re cool.

For someone who agrees with me on all this and is also not afraid to say so check out BBT. Incidentally, there’s nothing wrong with letting people know that other people described you using any of these words…it’s specifically the personal trumpet blowing that hits a bum note.

I’m not sure where the following great twitter bio from @overall sits in the grand scheme of things, he uses none of my words and probably uses all the ones he does with some degree of irony, it’s interesting to say the least:

Expectations manager, personal brander, communications troubleshooter & content doctor

Oh, and while I’m having a whinge (what’s new, eh?) if you use phrases such as “social media maven”, “marketing guru”, “cool geek”, even ironically…make sure your spelling is up to scratch. No one who claims to be “taking socal media forward” is doing any such thing with spelling like that.

49 responses so far ↓

  • Wayne Smallman // Mar 4, 2009 at 10:52 am

    Oh come on! Leave being funny alone. Even professional comedians aren’t always that funny away from the stage or screen.

    However, regarding the rest (apart from “thing-aholic”, which I’ve never even heard of), I have to agree. Even though you missed “rock star” and “expert”. :-)

  • David Bradley // Mar 4, 2009 at 10:59 am

    Yeah, but only *ssholes go around actually telling people that they are funny. That’s the point it’s not *other* people using these words to describe them, it’s the individuals themselves who claim to be the marketing mavens and social rockstars. If you are truly a guru, you don’t need to shoult about it, everyone will know ;-)

    (thing-aholic was meant to be a generic term to cover everyone who claims to be some kind of addict whether that’s too chocolate, the web, twitter, apple mac or whatever…)

  • rpg // Mar 4, 2009 at 11:08 am

    “taking socal media forward”

    well, that could be true for a very specific geographical location…

  • Amy Constantine-Kline // Mar 4, 2009 at 12:22 pm

    Thanks for this. Someone called me a “social media expert” yesterday and it made me uncomfortable for two reasons: 1) I’m not and 2) I hope people didn’t think that was something that I said about myself.

  • David Bradley // Mar 4, 2009 at 2:41 pm

    Oh, okay…very clever…

  • Hjortur Smarason // Mar 4, 2009 at 2:46 pm

    rt @lyndoman RT @guykawasaki: http://bit.ly/MGSDD (rt@sciencebase) ten words to use carefully online

  • Robert Greenawalt // Mar 4, 2009 at 2:58 pm

    RT @guykawasaki: http://bit.ly/MGSDD (rt@sciencebase) ten words to use carefully online

  • bit.ly Now // Mar 4, 2009 at 3:00 pm

    http://bit.ly/gMHML (2,558) Ten words to make you look stoopid

  • curiouslt // Mar 4, 2009 at 3:26 pm

    RT @jeremymeyers: RT @bitlynow: http://bit.ly/gMHML (2,558) Ten words to make you look stoopid (incl Guru, maven, visionary..)

  • kelly // Mar 4, 2009 at 4:05 pm

    I also tend to leave out FUNNY in my resume and usually it’s other people that say I am funny or silly. I use qool more often than I use cool in my tweets so this means i don’t act stoooopid. Or may be I do!! lol

    And yes David is right – gurus don’t usually say they’re gurus. I’ve met a couple of newbies who say they are gurus. Some other bloggers go WTF. lol Okie….censor me!!

  • mimojito (aka Efren) // Mar 4, 2009 at 6:09 pm

    RT @curiouslt: RT @jeremymeyers: RT @bitlynow: http://bit.ly/gMHML (2,558) Ten words to make you look stoopid (incl Guru, maven, visionary

  • John Heaney // Mar 4, 2009 at 8:56 pm

    If you see these words in a Twitter profile, unfollow immedately http://is.gd/lLHD

  • ArticleEDU // Mar 4, 2009 at 9:03 pm

    I could not agree more.

  • Ryan // Mar 4, 2009 at 9:41 pm

    I would add “diva” to the list.

  • Leah McChesney // Mar 4, 2009 at 9:44 pm

    Love it and you are SO right!

  • Sara Summers // Mar 4, 2009 at 9:49 pm

    It took me until I was 27 to figure out I had a ‘dry sense of humor’. Someone had to tell me. I am wary of the person who gives their personal elevator pitch with many of those descriptors above… Is this the dawn of the used car salesmen of tech?!

  • Christine Peters // Mar 4, 2009 at 9:50 pm

    Ha! I agree. Everytime I see”visionary” in a bio, I wonder how they came to that conclusion.

  • John // Mar 4, 2009 at 10:00 pm

    I’ve started or help start five successful businesses (one now over $20B), and have two in the oven. I quit using “Serial Entrepreneur” a while ago. Too many people using it (> 1 million google hits). Try something else, like “incessant entrepreneur” (7 google hits) or “chronic entrepreneur” (320 google hits). If you’re a real entrepreneur, you’ll make something up that very few people have thought of.

  • Jonathan Hutter // Mar 4, 2009 at 10:00 pm

    How about, “I’m kind of a big deal.”

    Ron Burgundy

  • ProbablyStoopid // Mar 4, 2009 at 10:05 pm

    Can we add “stoopid” to the list, too?

  • Rudy // Mar 4, 2009 at 10:15 pm

    I just used the word “maven” in my last post, just to poke-fun at the so-called social media experts can be.

  • Justin R. Buchbinder // Mar 4, 2009 at 10:19 pm

    Ack! As a joke (because I’ve been called both of these things when introduced to others) in my Twitter profile and email, I call myself a “Web Guru” and a “Media Maven”

    Granted, immediately after, I call myself a “Miracle Man”.

    Hopefully people get the joke!

    xoJR

  • Nancy Shute // Mar 4, 2009 at 10:19 pm

    What about “evangelist”? Unless they’re really Bible-thumpers, this seems tooth-grindingly stoopid.

    David, thank you for the chance to vent!

  • Khayyam Wakil // Mar 4, 2009 at 10:20 pm

    What if we *think* we’re funny? ;)

    That’s the only word I would use off of this list.

  • Jack // Mar 4, 2009 at 10:34 pm

    I don’t know if I want to be called a Maven. All depends on the tone, kind of like being called it a know-it-all.

  • Sara Summers // Mar 4, 2009 at 10:38 pm

    @ Nancy Shute
    Evangelist is an actual job title, selected by the company. i.e. Adobe and Microsoft both have them.

  • David Bradley // Mar 5, 2009 at 12:53 am

    Did my most RT post on 10 stoopid words make you change your twitter bio? http://bit.ly/MGSDD RT @sciencebase

  • Kurt Cagle // Mar 5, 2009 at 1:37 am

    Nancy,

    Evangelist has shifted connotations so that it is mainly a job title – the person in the company who is supposed to push a given product or technology to the geek community. To me, it’s synonymous with paid shill.

    I’d add Architect to the list, unless again it is a title – Systems Architect is probably valid, data architect is pushing the envelope and Information Architect either means that you’re particularly skilled as an Ontologist (my preferred term for that field) or you’re bogosity rating is set to kill.

  • kelly // Mar 5, 2009 at 4:17 am

    @NancyShute Uh oh – I do consider myself to be an evangelist! A customer evangelist!

  • Heidi Cool // Mar 5, 2009 at 6:24 am

    Great list, though in my case, I think I’ll keep using Cool. Given it’s my last name it would look silly to leave it out! ;-)

  • David Bradley // Mar 5, 2009 at 7:15 am

    @Amy You should accept compliments graciously, unless they’re way off the mark.

    @Kelly The only person in the world allowed to describe himself as funny is Ricky Gervais, not only because he is, but because him declaring such a thing would in itself be funny.

    @Ryan Diva is a good one, is anyone really arrogant enough to call herself a goddess?

    @Sara I think we’re way past that point, just take a look at all the crass invites one receives from marketeers who use at least half a dozen of my ten words in combinations.

    @ProbablyStoopid Yeah, we could add stoopid to the list, but you won’t hear self-professed SEO mavens using it in the resume.

    @NancyShute Strictly speaking evangelist comes from the Greek meaning good news (referred later to meaning the good news of the biblical gospels. Regardless, I’d steer clear when what you really mean is that you promote, market, or otherwise sell a product.

    @Heidi We’re cool, right? ;-)

  • @barndance // Mar 5, 2009 at 2:15 pm

    Can you please add “rockstar” to the list. It is soooo tired by now and being beat to death on Twitter!

  • David Bradley // Mar 5, 2009 at 3:07 pm

    I guess rockstar is okay if you’re Jimmy Page or a famous geologist…but not really pertinent to someone working in the world of SEO, right?

  • Courtenay Bird // Mar 11, 2009 at 1:15 pm

    In case you missed: “Ten words to make you look stoopid” on a profile or resume http://bit.ly/16FxZC

  • David Bradley // Mar 23, 2009 at 12:40 pm

    @JoeManna Guru? Expert? Evangelist? Maven? Catalyst? Cliche? http://bit.ly/VWfL

  • Joe Manna // Mar 23, 2009 at 7:55 pm

    While I describe myself a social media evangelist, I certainly don’t hold myself to that. I just use what works for other people to understand what I do when I help drive their social media strategy, consulting and monitoring.

    Officially, in writing, my job title is Community Manager, but I don’t hold myself to that because I tend to several online communities bound together by social media.

    My main beef is with the world of infomarketers who have suddenly become interested in social media and who self-described themselves as “experts,” “gurus,” “wizards,” “gods,” etc. The self-proclamation need to stop if we as social media curators intend on keeping it reputable and original.

    I am anything you want me to be in social media … I just deliver sound social media strategies and provide 1:1 assistance who whomever wants it.

    ~Joe :-)

  • David Bradley // Mar 23, 2009 at 10:22 pm

    Fair comment Joe, I wasn’t taking a swipe at you personally…

  • chrisflanagan // Mar 24, 2009 at 6:31 am

    Reading: “10 words to make you look stoopid” (http://twitthis.com/kan7ao)

  • The Baldchemist // Apr 5, 2009 at 7:15 am

    Nice one. There are loads more of the same type of crap. Use of; ultimate experience, unique etc where great vocabulary would work. Just lazy copy.
    We try to be the ones when boring people , they think its their fault.
    Enjoy the Spring. The Baldchemist ( now there’s a guru, expert, maven, visionairy if ever there was one).

  • willyg243 // Aug 3, 2009 at 12:09 am

    As a social media maven I take great offense to this list.

    I know how to add links to twitter messages, upload pictures to facebook, and watch youtube videos.

    I personally cant think of more than five people out of my 6100 social media fans, followers, buddies, and links (those are technical terms for those in the know), who possess all these skills.

    I guess its just your jealousy rearing its ugly head.

  • David Bradley // Aug 10, 2009 at 9:13 am

    @Willyg243, You’re such a maven that you take offense at my trivial little post. Diddums. You daren’t leave your real name on a blog comment, yet you claim 6100 fans. That doesn’t sound like an awfully big following for someone who thinks of themselves as an expert. Moreover, “followers, buddies and links”? Technical terms? Really? I’ve got not nothing to be jealous of.

  • willyg243 // Aug 19, 2009 at 2:12 am

    I sure hope, for your sake, that you were also being sarcastic.

  • David Bradley // Aug 19, 2009 at 8:15 am

    Not sarcastic, as such, but certainly tongue-in-cheek, hence the use of the word stoopid in the title. That said, I hate the pretentious bullshine that gets used by some people to hide their true intentions. If you’ve got something to say, say it in a straightforward way, don’t dress it up with fancy words just to sound clever.

  • The Baldchemist // Aug 19, 2009 at 8:22 am

    Willyg243, i’ts time to climb down my friend and see the irony!

    You didn’t mean “sarcastic “did you?

    Threats usually indicate delusions of grandeur, meglomania, paranoia and inferiority complex!
    I’m sure you are well above that level?
    Take good care and get as much joy as you can everyday.
    There are lots of people out there that don’t have the list that you take offence to! It ain’t all about you.

  • David Bradley // Aug 19, 2009 at 9:53 am

    @Baldchemist I didn’t take Willyg243’s comment as a threat, I thought he was just alluding to the fact that my post might turn people off…maybe he was threatening me, though, come to think of it…

    @Willyg243 I’ve got a big mother of a baseball bat by my bedside just in case you come a’knocking in the night…

  • willyg243 // Aug 20, 2009 at 12:06 am

    Just so we are all clear, my original comment was sarcasm, with the intent of supporting your article because I agree with it.

    I was hoping to be obvious, but apparently it didn’t work.

  • David Bradley // Aug 20, 2009 at 8:08 am

    No problem Willyg243, no one is lining up the baseball bats ;-)

  • The Baldchemist // Aug 20, 2009 at 12:47 pm

    Ah Willy. shit happens let’s all get on with giving as much support where its deserved eh?

    If I can help in any way drop me a line.

    Take good care and get as much joy as you can everyday!

  • The Baldchemist // Aug 22, 2009 at 6:58 am

    As GOD I say; let their be peace and fun. Now, go forth and get as much joy as you can!

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