#rant hashtag rant

I know almost everyone takes photos of their food and publishes them online, but what I want to know is why. That delicious plate of Venezuelan couscous and Jaffa Cakes with a wild raspberry coulis and flint truffles you tucked into at a 2-star Goodyear truckstop last night in Camden Lock? Eat it, enjoy it. Just don’t post a blurry picture of it, over exposed by your phone’s automatic flash? This morning it looks less than delicious and more like, well actually a plate of dog vomit.

Oh and “selfies”? You can stop taking those now as well. We get the idea. We don’t need to see what you look like staring blankly at a mirror with a camera in your hand…whether your in your pants and knickers, grundies or whatever. In fact, please keep it all to yourself, it should be illegal to post photos you took of yourself if the camera is visible in the shot, the archaic irony of this so-called “meme” was lost in the Renaissance when that famous painter did a self-portrait of himself with a pain palette and brush in hand, clearly visible in the self-portrait, the concept wasn’t new in the mid-2000s, I’m afraid, Jim Krause fans.

One more thing, if you must use a webcam to take a headshot for your twitter, face the window so there’s some natural light and look at the camera and not the screen or keyboard when you snap. We need to see your face not some blue-glowing spectre.

By the way, it’s “number of people”, not “amount of people”. You didn’t take the greate unwashed masses and blend them so you could measure them out in gallons, you counted them and that gives you a number. And, that’s despite what that antiprescriptive video whinging on about grammar nazis said last week. There’s usage and there’s abusage, the latter leads to ambiguity.

Rearrange these words into a well-known phrase or idiom: of bed side got wrong who look out the

Author: David Bradley

Freelance science journalist, author of Deceived Wisdom. Photographer and musician.