A Facebook slut no more
November 25th, 2010 by David Bradley >> 6 Comments
A while ago I wrote about being a Facebook slut and accepting friend requests from all and sundry. Well, no more. These days I direct most friend requests to the Sciencebase Facebook fan page, which gives everyone who “likes” it access to the Sciencebase, Sciencetext, and SciScoop feeds as well as updates as I make them to my Delicious links.
If you’re very active on the fan page then I’m likely to connect on Facebook, but I no longer pursue the slutty ethic and am actually aiming specifically to keep my friend count below the number of the beast, 666. 664 would be okay, the neighbor of the beast.
One thing I would recommend to anyone with more than a manageable number of friends on any social media site is to create lists and to have no more than a Dunbar number of friends on each list. Don’t add anyone to more than one list and be sure to use sensible names for the lists so you know which group is which. It works best if the members of the groups have some kind of connection: family, pub friends, work, business contacts etc. I have three groups on my Facebook account that are named and categorized along these lines, but I also have an extra category called just “Who?”. This is the limbo zone into which all those people I don’t actually know or have any real connection with other than their friending me during my Facebook slut phase have been put.
Intriguingly, some members of the “Who?” set occasionally break out if we find something we have in common, so Facebook limbo ain’t for all time.
"Deceived Wisdom: Why What You Thought Was Right Is Wrong" from David Bradley. Available now on 
Leave a comment ↓
Joerg Heber // Nov 25, 2010 at 6:16 pm
You could also selective filter updates from certain people and/or applications by clicking the remove button next to the fb message in question. So even if you have many “friends” the news feed still could show only a reasonable number of updates.
Ari Herzog // Nov 25, 2010 at 6:49 pm
Heh. I used to direct strangers to fan pages but it became too much work, so I opened the floodgates to all: http://ariwriter.com/why-i-accept-all-facebook-friend-requests/
Will I go back, who knows. I’d have to unfriend hundreds.
David Bradley // Nov 25, 2010 at 8:03 pm
I do that as well Joerg, but the lists means it’s more automated.
@Ari I suspect I’ll change on a whim at some point, it’s not as if there are hard and fast rules for this kind of thing it’s just what works for you at the time.
BenR // Nov 28, 2010 at 5:28 pm
I don’t know why people think they have to have so many friends on facebook. After all in “real life” w e have only a few real friends and many aquaintances. Just because somebody knows how to use a computer doesn’t mean you should give them the time of day.
David Bradley // Nov 28, 2010 at 6:58 pm
I suppose part of the benefit of connecting with lots of people is that you increase your chances of “meeting” someone with whom you share interests or goals or who offers you new insights and perspectives on a subject of interest. Chances of that happening if you stick with your inner circle or clique are quite low. More to the point, it’s not hard to “meet” new people. The word “friend” is something of a misnomer, connections might be more appropriate and in all complex systems it is the connections that are all important.
Ari Herzog // Nov 28, 2010 at 8:06 pm
Define “real life,” Ben.
How many people are in your family? Not just parents, siblings, and children; but cousins and everyone they’re connected to who you’ve met and who know you?
How many people work in your office? Not just co-workers and bosses and staff, but people you see in the lunchroom and who park their cars next to yours who you talk to about the weather?
How many people did you go school with, who you may share nothing else in life with, but you did attend school together?
And so forth.
Once you add up those numbers from “real life,” you get more than you think. No different with the web, just different scenarios.